#10: Open Your Eyes
In the opening pages of Umberto Eco’s masterpiece, The Name of the Rose, sleuth friar William of Baskerville lends aid in the unfortunate mishap of a missing horse. Upon he and the novice Adso’s arrival to a North Italian abbey, a storm of panicked monks approach in panicked search for the abbot’s beloved steed. William seems to have already solved this case, pointing the murder of monks down the correct trail.
Adso, bewildered, asks of his mentor how he could know the answer having just heard of the problem. William points out the breadcrumbs of hoof prints under snow, and snapped branches of a horse’s height. The answers are there if we choose to pay attention.
When was the last time you felt aware? Did the world suddenly make sense? Or did you panic, and try to reign in the chaos? Blinding ourselves to the world can seem the obvious conclusion at times, whether by ignorance or substance-driven numbing. Life is hard and painful, and it is natural to deny this facet. But in doing so, don’t we also deny the miracle of life as well? We can only stay in the dark for so long before losing ourselves.
There can only be so much evil in the world. I firmly believe that we must bear witness and act against it in order to find the good in ourselves and others. Sometimes the problem might be you, but that is not your fault. There may be snow covering the hoof tracks, or withered trees in a once lush forest. But give it time. Let the snow melt, the leaves grow back. Patience grants beauty and appreciation for those who lookout beyond hopelessness and just look.
Roughly four months ago I made the decision to stop drinking. (boosted by ungodly amounts of treatment). It is still early, and I am by no means who I want to be as of yet. Nor am I an ideal friend, son, coworker, etc. I am not quite the model beacon of recovery everyone else in my position likes to think we are. But in defiance of dark urges and thoughts, here I am, writing, sober, and honest. I cannot go blind from the drink if I don’t take the first sip. Things have been up and down. The job market is not treating me with kindness, though I was able to move back into my apartment with relative ease. And spending the weekends with the family dog is a particular joy in a cloudy day. I go to therapy, I’m going to the gym regularly, and I am slowly regaining passion for things I once thought lost, writing and film being high up on that list.
This new freedom is here for all people, not just those in recovery, but to anyone willing to open their eyes and patiently look a little longer than they’re used to.
Things I Did This Week
Dealing with occasional bouts of loneliness at odd times during the week? Give Dog Sitting a shot. I just started and will be doing so with my family dog at my mom’s place during the weekend, and I gotta say, with a cute, energized little button as your sidekick, the very concept of loneliness and boredom turn into impossibilities!
I’ve been playing hard catchup on forgotten movie releases this week. Some highlights:
Hit Man: The Linklater - directed Glen Powell vehicle is the seminal Rom Com we needed. Powell is a fucking star, his chemistry with Adria Arjona creating dynamite.
Oddity: A fun Irish horror that kind of looses steam in the final act, but has some of the better scares and atmosphere, and SUCH GOOD set design. You know you’ve hit the jackpot when you make a location ooze menace.
Is Now a Good Time?: The latest short film from actor-writer-director-insaneevilgenius Jim Cummings. I really can’t say anything without giving the plot away. Check it out on YouTube. I don’t know the last time I scream-laughed so hard.
Janet Planet: So glad I was able to catch this in theaters. I have a lot to say about it, so I might just wait until next week’s article. Check it out if you can!