#16: Spooky Scary Skeletons
A definitive guide to Spooky Movies
BOO!
Happy Halloween for all my fellow spooky vibe enjoyers. ‘Tis the season of werewolves and vvitches. The long night were Black Phillip reigns, and the only season where I can expose my shameless love of horror movies without a speck of embarrassment or shame.
Our sacred day is upon us. But what differentiates Halloween atmosphere from the typical horror movies I love and froth over? Is it crumbling orange leaves or a badly carved pumpkin?
Too summarize in a single term: Halloween is SPOOKY.
But Ryan, what is the difference between horror/terror and being spooky.
Well strap in and let me guide you.
A Guide to Spooky Movies
We’re not talking about Webster’s definition of the term here. That’s for losers. The uninitiated.
I’d rather not get into a
boring tangent about modern horror and its vices, or the dreaded Halloween parties where 90% of the goers are dressed as Joker and Harley Quinn. No no no.
Instead, let me boil the pot and instead provide a few pivotal examples. The only one’s I know how to describe, of course, are movies.
Low and behold: A list of definitive spooky movies that I will say next to nothing about in order to gift you a spoiler-free experience.
The Haunted House
Throw this badboy on in the background of a party and you know you’re in for a good time.
Walt Disney’s iconic Mickey Mouse short addresses some of the most pivotal themes of a spooky movie, but mainly getting your shit wrecked by ghosts and skeletons. And not just any kind, but bony friends who like to fuck around and have a good time.
That’s right. I’m talking hallways shone by candlelight. HAUNTED MANSIONS. Jazz, oh sweet sweet jazz. And we love some furniture coming to life. A little fright amid goofy old fun.
And it goes surprisingly hard as a fanmade music video for Childish Gambino.
House
Speaking of haunted mansions and animated pianos, think to yourself: What would make a child scared? The answer can be found in House, through its screenplay co-written by director Nobuhiko Obayashi’s own daughter.
A witch seeking a new disciple. Rivers of blood. Something something man-turning-into-a-pile-of-bannanas. Flying heads that are biters. They bite.
And cats. So many cats…
Anyone who says this movie is bad are a bad person.
Beetlejuice
Disgusting. Repulsive. Vile. Rude.
It rules.
Beetlejuice remains a timeless classic for a reason. I call every movie made a miracle, but this is truly something special.
A movie about a cool "strange and unusual" guy simply persecuted for having too much Halloween Mindset.
This movie has everything. Michael Keaton going absolutely freak-god mode, Goth Winona Ryder radiating immaculate dark vibes, Catherine O’Hara being snubbed of an Oscar, desert worms, German expressionist architecture, visual effects galore. Beetles and juice.
On paper, Beetlejuice should never work. But gods above it does.
Coraline
Just one of the best animated movies ever. Period.
The sinister gates of a new house hiding something far more sinister. Who wouldn’t poke the bear? Every single frame is a work of art that delves us deeper into the incalculable mind of an anxious, pouty little girl who, as we all do, go through a spiral of pubescent parent-hating.
Some parts goofy, other parts are among the scariest things I have ever laid my eyes on. A perfect balance of atmospheres.
Want a great family Halloween night? Scar your children for life in a quick 100 minutes of paper nightmare fuel.
Also her dad looks like how I feel most of the time:
The VVitch
Black Phillip.
That is it. That’s the review.
Black Phillip
Happy Halloween and live deliciously!