8 Balls & 8 Reelers #2: The Art of Being Content
Being okay with yourself is such a chore, ain’t it? How many hours have I wasted away, scrolling through feeds of vacation pics from mutuals? Of bad YouTube tutorials on how to change my life that I never follow through with? I know I do. Thank god I’ve staved off TikTok as long as I have. The world, as our screens foretell, moves faster than lightning. Why aren’t you doing ‘XYZ’? Gotta side hustle? Have you binged the latest Netflix fad? It goes on and on and on. It’s exhausting, and I feel there is no chance to ever catch up to the norm. It doesn’t even feel possible to sit and relax on a park bench anymore. Why do I desecrate myself with such things? Maybe I’m just a messy bitch who loves drama.
Norms may tell you otherwise, but sitting down and being calm and happy for that moment is possible. And when you find out how, you change the world before you. My eyes can open to the sunlight.
Being in early recovery sucks. Believe it or not, life still happens, and it came flying at my face before I could pick a penny off the ground. Very bad, don’t recommend. Life moves so fast that you might feel that it is impossible to keep up; that fulfillment is a fantasy. This, in itself, is a falsehood.
When I saw Perfect Days for the first time (yes I’ve seen it multiple times already) I got angry at myself, mostly that it was the fucking toilet cleaning movie that made we cry like Homer Simpson on a diet.
The film helped me realize that there is so much more to life than the grand delusion of impossible expectations. Perfect Days deserves a much longer review down the line, especially in light of Kōji Yakusho’s performance, which for my money, deserves the noble peace prize, but the focus on enjoying mundanity and the little surprises every day brings is nothing short of mesmerizing.
So, being inspired by the not-so-plain adventures and musings of Harayama, I wanted to share some ways to help you find a little bit of calm and peace in these trying times. Learning to be comfortable with yourself is the richest asset one can posses.
1. Kill Social Media
Through your phone into a brick wall. Social media passes time better than a 6-pack and a handful of Xanax, like fucking time travel. You feel great when it’s happening, but when you finally peel away, you there is emptiness. The “suck”.
Take time away from the overwhelming world at large. It’s difficult, don’t get me wrong. You will feel cut off, lacking a rush of dopamine and comparison. Having recently deleted all the social apps from my phone (save an inactive facebook for work reasons), I was shocked with how much time I truly have. I would always rush and flail every waking moment in desperate leaps to not only make myself look appealing, but cater to others expectations, be they true or assumed.
Set boundaries. Focus on yourself, not the masks of others.
2. Stare at a White Wall
Yes. I mean this literally. I somewhat stole this advice from the great Neil Gaiman. During an interview when asked about advice for writer’s block, he simply states “Give yourself permission to do nothing”.
But we are seeking more than just art. We seek calm and ease. I challenge you with this: when you’re home or in a quiet enough space, drag a chair in front of a too-plain, blank wall, and gaze into it. You will be surprised by the results.
I can guarantee that you will hate yourself when doing this for the first time. This is stupid, isn’t it? What am I doing?
But give it time and effort. Thoughts will come. Strange, foreign. A perspective. Use this time as a net to catch and then filter those ideas. Sometimes it will garner resentment and pain, but others: great sparks of inspiration, introspection on life and meaning. A sudden gratitude will take you. Do not turn away. Recognize, pivot, and be grateful in the moment. Appreciate this brief time alone with your thoughts. You may fear isolation and loneliness, but it is never permanent.
3. Engage with What You Love
Don’t be scrolling on TikTok while a movie plays. Be the change you want to see. We all have passions. If you don’t have one, find one. Try new things. And when you find something that waters that dormant seed, don’t whisk it away by distractions.
Devote yourself to it. As your local pretentious cinephile, I choose to make watching a movie an event. If I go to a theater, all the better. I have cut out a chunk of time to devote myself to an art form I truly care about. When I pop in a blu-ray into the player, I purposely leave my phone in another room. I absorb and engage with what I love. If I hold a phone in my hand, I cannot appreciate anything, and I will convince myself I want more, not to love, but to consume.
Find love and purpose in appreciation.
4. Share What You Love
Don’t fit a mold to appease others. Be your authentic self. Be weird! Those people with expectations and judgements probably don’t really care about you.
Have those conversations with people that your afraid to have. Share your love. The worst case scenario is disinterest. Even a mild curiosity from them shows who is being genuine. Even if said person doesn’t click with what you love, at the very least they showed dedication and effort. Those are your true friends: people who take time to share.
I mean, look at me. I’m on fucking Substack. Not because I want fame. But because I want to share my passions with other people and tell stories.
5. Routine
Structuring your day is vital to putting your activity into perspective. Plan your day around something. I highly recommend you don’t choose work, but something that improves your morale and inner artist.
As mentioned earlier, I will plan a day around going to the theater. The 30+ minute drive, the shitty parking, the popcorn, the recliner seats are a sacred ritual.
Are you a writer? Select a chunk of time in the day: An hour, half an hour, 5 minutes even, and write. Even if it’s a page of a single word, you are honing your passion.
Routine cements order amid a world of chaos. Maintain those rituals and bear the fruit of your growth.
6. Rest and Breathe
Give yourself time to relax. Burnout is a very real poison that takes lives. There were moments where I couldn’t get out of bed due to sheer exhaustion. Fuck the “grind”. Meditation has personally worked wonders for me. No one is good at it. Don’t gatekeep yourself. Remember how to breathe. Center yourself to be comfortable with yourself.
Go for a walk. Tan on the beach. Read a page-turner. It all starts with mindset. Choose to be optimistic.
Things I Watched This Week:
The Color Wheel (2011) // Faith (2023) // Smiling Friends (2022-present) // You (2018-present) // Also too much basketball (Boston-gang rise up)